The Palmer Report
No. 80, untitled
Broadcast May 1, 1974

This has been a hard season for fun couples. First there was Sonny and Cher, then Dick and Liz, and now it's Martha and John. Not since Nelson Eddy began palling around with Rise Stevens has the American concept of eternal sweethearts taken such a blow. Yesterday Martha, the one who was married to John, announced she had hired Melvin Belli to represent her in a suit for separate maintenance. With Melvin and Martha operating together, the famous Scopes Monkey Trial of the twenties will be replaced in the national memory by the Scope Mouthwash Trial of the seventies.

Actually, it could be an interesting proceeding. Not only is Martha asking for $2,500 a week, quote, until a determination of her husband's assets is made, but Melvin is talking enthusiastically about President Nixon being the real villain in the breakup of the Mitchells' connubial bliss. This being a year for legal precedents, it should come as no surprise that a President of the United States is charges with alienating his Attorney General's affections, wife-wise. Not quite the historical value of President Andrew Johnson's impeachment, perhaps, but who knows what will happen a hundred years from now? Maybe the famous Mitchell-Mitchell-Nixon separate maintenance trial will be quoted by two-bit senators and columnists in 2080 as complete justification for declaring war on Iceland. We certainly know one result: by 1975 John Mitchell will have spent more time in court as a defendant than he ever did as an attorney.

This is Greg Palmer.